Endless Decimal

Author’s Note

This poem considers restraint as a form of power. It is interested in patience, timing, and the quiet calculations that often precede intimacy, conflict, or surrender. Rather than force or speed, the speaker moves through observation and strategy, where loss and gain are intertwined and outcomes are shaped long before they are visible.

Staying away from things that frighten me

does not necessarily mean

I do not have the wherewithal

to pursue it

or even conquer it.

But it means

I am quite conservative in strength.

Having you engage me relentlessly

is a mindless pursuit,

for I would watch you in your vigour

with a calmness

that would almost cause you to perspire.

I volunteer gladly

my silent observation

as you stretch and puff.

I make timely calculations

in my engagement,

planning trajectory over velocity.

At the speed of sound,

I have you

eating off my fingers.

You are besotted,

in a manner of days,

wondering how you managed

to have your head just so.

But this is a secret

I keep quite closely to my heart,

for we have both lost

and both gained.

Yours appeared sharper,

like free-falling.

I, on the other hand—

well… timely episodes.

For that is the game that we play.

Strategy matters,

but the results remain the same:

we either both gain

or both lose.

And in this scene

that I have played

over and over in my head,

I have taken meanings from the stars

as they stare cross-eyed,

and I named you my target.

For I intend to win.

But first,

I had to lose.

And in so doing,

I won you.

So come to me,

onto the clouds I drafted just so.

Both of us

were meant to be here.

Let go of your calculated promises.

I have already done that.

It starts now

and never ends

the equation of an endless decimal,

you and I

the whole numbers.

_Laurel